Worst. Blogger. Ever

No, this isn't a post made to bash someone who I think is a terrible blogger. It's an admission that I, myself, am horrible. I can never seem to remember I have a blog. Or, when I do remember, I never know what to write about.

That seems to be a running trend with me, these days.

So today, I was sitting on my couch surrounded by pens, notebooks, maps of fantasy worlds, my laptop, two different flash drives and a half empty Cherry Coke when I realized I was a quarter of the way through rewriting a novel, and I was still struggling. Why? Because I truly wasn't happy with how the first draft turned out, but I was having a hard time getting through the new draft.

Not for lack of trying, mind you. I really love this new draft. But the first draft wrote itself. Truly. I'd sit down at my keyboard, open the doc, and just go. And a wonderful story that I loved that just needed a bit of fine tuning popped out.

Now when I sit down to write, I stare at the screen wondering what I'm doing with my life. And maybe that's the problem. Because you see, it's not just the rewrite giving me problems. It's literally everything I sit down to work on. (except this blog post... go figure). Nothing seems to want to work for me right now. And while I want to chalk it up to my best friend/twin/writing buddy extraordinaire being away at camp, maybe it's all just me.

I've been having a lot of doubts lately. Book sales have been slow, writing has been impossible. I'm at that point where I'm wondering if I'm good enough to do this. I can write book after book, but that doesn't mean they'll ever actually get me anywhere. Sure, I have people who've enjoyed what I've written. Not on any kind of grand scale, and most of them are friends, but it counts, right? Maybe?

Maybe I'm just too hard to please. Maybe I'll never be fully satisfied with anything that I write. But I Guess the important thing is that I keep trying. Even when I go through a few months where every word I write just seems like crap that adds nothing to the story or changes the plot too much and ends up erased. Even when I don't have anyone behind me, cheering me on.

What I need right now is to finish another book, whether it be something I'm co-writing or something completely my own.

All that requires is sitting down and writing, right? *sigh* The one thing I haven't been able to do.

Sorry for the long, angsty, rantish post. Just wanted you all to know that I'm alive and semi-well and still going after this crazy dream.

Happy reading!

Jami

Pitcharama

Title: Standing Up and Standing Out
Author: Jami Montgomery and Caitlan Honer
Genre: New Adult Contemporary
Word count: 91,000
Synopsis:

Charlie Onyx: On the surface: Resident Prep. Rich kid. Spoiled. Cocky, sarcastic, and loves to hit on anything that walks.
Underneath: Gay. Abused. Scared to be who he is because of the pain that comes with it.

Zee Bargo: On the surface: Cynical. Sarcastic. Dating the hottest girl from prep school. Doesn’t need anyone.
Underneath: Dealing with family illness. Previous drug abuser and cutter. Doesn’t let people in because his past is filled with betrayal.

Charlie and Zee: Learning how to stand up, so that they can stand out.